Clever Signs

From an email:

Sign on a gynecologist's office:  "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a podiatrist's office:  "Time wounds all heels."

On a septic tank truck:  Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an optometrist's office:  "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a plumber's truck:  "We repair what your husband fixed."

On another plumber's truck:  "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:  "Invite us to your next blowout."

At a towing company:  "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an electrician's truck:  "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area:  "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door:  "Push. Push. Push."

At a car dealership:  "The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop:  "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room:  "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company:  "We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a restaurant window:  "Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a funeral home:  "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a propane filling station:  "Thank heaven for little grills."

At a Chicago radiator shop:  "Best place in town to take a leak."

On a septic tank truck:  "Caution - This truck is full of political promises."