Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Xmas from Elin and Tiger!

UPDATE IV: A new family-less Christmas card from Tiger:

UPDATE III: And more Tiger humor:

And just in time for Christmas, the Tiger Woods Mistress Commemorative Plate Collection:

UPDATE II: Source unknown:

Al Sharpton Blasts Tiger Woods for Lack of Mistress Diversity

The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of African-American women among Woods' harem will have a negative affect on the black community, specifically young black girls.

"Why is it that a man who calls himself black can't bring himself to cheat on his wife with a black woman?" said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters in Harlem. "What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them over? Shame on you, Tiger Woods. What would your daddy say?"

Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today's black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women. Sharpton also stressed that cheating with African-American women would help the black community financially by giving black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines.

Added Sharpton, "I'm not asking you to not cheat on your wives, I'm just asking you to give back to your own community."

UPDATE: Some more jokes:

Tiger's trouble started when he made a rookie error by playing the wrong hole. Followed that up with a bad drive and ended up in a horrible "lie."

What is the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods?
Santa Clause stops at 3 Ho's.

Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers.
They said to named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods' crash. They are calling it, "Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger," or how about "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant"?

What do you buy a Tiger for Christmas?
A new windshield!

Tiger crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on to the second hole.

Just because you're the world's no. 1 golfer, it doesn't mean you can't be beaten by your wife.

Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.

"Comedian Chris Rock undoubtedly put it best when he said, 'A man is only as faithful as his options.'"

From a friend:

And what would Christmas be without a few jokes:

What's the difference between a golf ball and an Escalade?
Tiger can drive a gold ball 400 yards.

Police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him.
She said, "I don't know, 5 or 6 . . . put me down for a 5."

Elin found out he’s not a Tiger, he’s a Cheetah.

Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant.
She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.

What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common?
Both were clubbed by a Scandanavian.

Tiger Woods is tree under.

Tiger Woods has been dropped by Gilette after admitting this incident was his closest shave ever.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.