Fear the Goat!

Go Navy, Beat Army!

Repost:

From a fellow alum:

A guy walks into a bar in wearing an Army Football jersey and carrying a cat that also has an Army jersey on with a little Army helmet on his head too.

The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Army-Navy game here? My TV at home broke down and my cat and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in my bar, but it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you or the cat, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The guy agrees, and he and his cat start watching the game. Pretty soon Army manages to kick a field goal and the excited cat jumps up on the bar, walks all the way down and gives everyone a high five.

The bartender says, "Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?"

The guys answers, "I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years.""

GO NAVY.....BEAT ARMY!!!

Which Ad Was Your Favorite?

UPDATE: "Super Bowl XLV had a record estimated average viewership of 111 million, meaning that several of the commercials are among the most-watched ads in the history of advertising. That makes the post-game assessments perhaps more interesting than usual." Read The New York Times, Media Decoder: Super Bowl Ads Assessed, From A to Z.

For "articles, news and more importantly our hilarious reviews on thousands of commercials shown during the Super Bowl games," see SuperBowl-Commercials.org.

Just in Time for Super Bowl XLV

What every home should have:

Golfers Beware

"An errant shot that left a man blind in one eye has produced a reassuring message for golfers: you are not responsible for all of your bad shots." Read The New York Times, For Golfers, Fore Isn’t Last Word on Ducking.

Fair Play?

UPDATE II: Speaking of good sportsmanship, "Wisconsin’s 63-point victory over Indiana showed that compassion takes a back seat to perception in big-time college football." Read The New York Times, In B.C.S., No Reward for Sportsmanship.


UPDATE: "Just because it's legal, that doesn't make it right -- especially when an adult coach puts one over on the kids. Such trick plays are many things, but they're not good sportsmanship, says [NPR sports commentator] Frank Deford." Read, or listent to, NPR, Trickery On The Football Field: Like Child Abuse?

From Time, Best Middle School Football Play Ever: Quarterback Sneak Goes Viral, "the Corpus Christi, Tex., Driscoll Middle School Defenders came up with a deceitfully simple slow quarterback sneak":



But was it a fair play?

Compare it to The New York Times, Flap Over Lost H.S. Football Plays in Connecticut.

Lingerie Football, Is It a Sport?

"[B]uxom young women wearing little more than René Rofé lingerie (tight-tight boy shorts, fringe-cut sports bras), shoulder pads, garters and small helmets with clear plastic visors across the face." Read the Washington Post, Baltimore Charm, a new Lingerie Football League team, plays up sheer talent.

Doesn't surprise me in a country where DWTS is considered entertainment.

It's That Time of the Year

Are these the four seasons -- winter, spring, summer and football? Then enjoy these famous football quotes:

#1. 'Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas.' Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.

#2. 'After you retire, there's only one big event left... and I ain't ready for that.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#3. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#4. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' Joe Namath / Alabama

#5. 'Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#6. 'If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, 'Roll, tide, roll!' Bear Bryant / Alabama

#7. 'A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

#8. 'There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.' Woody Hayes / Ohio State

#9. 'I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.' Bob Devaney / Nebraska

#10. 'In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant.' Wally Butts / Georgia

#11. 'You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.' Paul Dietzel / LSU

#12. 'It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.' Bear Bryant / Alabama

#13. When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. 'No, but you can see it from here.' Lou Holtz / Arkansas.

#14. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' Bear Bryant / Alabama

#15. 'There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line.' Matty Bell / SMU

#16. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.' Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

#17. 'I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.' Alex Karras / Iowa

#18. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

#19. 'I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.' Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

#20. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.' Shug Jordan / Auburn

#21. 'They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces.' Darrell Royal / Texas

#22. 'Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#23. 'They whipped us like a tied up goat.' Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

#24. 'I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: 'Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good.' Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State

#25. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.' Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#26. 'Football is not a contact sport - it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.' Vince Lombardi, Green Bay Packers

#27. After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: 'All those who need showers, take them.' John McKay / USC

28. 'If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.' Murray Warmath / Minnesota

#29. 'The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#30. 'Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon.' Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

#31. 'It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#32. 'We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.' Darrell Royal / Texas

#33. 'We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.' Wilson Matthews / Little Rock Central High School

#34. 'Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad. Woody Hayes / Ohio State University

#35. 'I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.' Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#36. 'Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football.' John Heisman / Auburn

Tiger Mistress Golf

UPDATE V: Read the Washington Post, His life fell apart, and now so has his game.


UPDATE IV: The family guy wins. Read The New York Times, Family Values Become a Focus at Augusta.

A fitting outcome I think.


UPDATE III: Speaking from the grave, Nike has unveiled a new commercial featuring Tiger and the voice of his deceased father asking whether he (Tiger) learned anything:



This ad would not have been done without his approval. I think it is a remarkably humble act of self shaming.

Will it be recognized as a brilliant bit of PR, setting the new standard? Read the Washington Post, Tiger Woods Nike ad: Penance as commodity.

What do you think?


UPDATE II: He's back. Read The New York Times, Why Tiger Matters?

It is a sad commentary on society, but no one will care about his behavior if, and when, he wins again.

But why does The Cheetah's personal behavior matter? Because "[i]f we're not careful, celebrities' infidelities can weaken the institution of monogamous marriage. "

Enough serious, enjoy the game.


UPDATE: The Cheetah won't have these problems if he had only used TigerText. Read CNN, TigerText: An iPhone App for Cheating Spouses?

The mistresses are coming out of the woodwork, and the Cheetah (formerly know as Tiger) has got to get the situation under control. And you know that when his back is against the wall, he is at his best. In this game, help Tiger make sure no more mistresses talk to the media!

(Hint: Place your cursor near the mistress, calculate the appropriate lead or lag, and drive away.)

The guy who emailed me the link got "2 Ho's in one, one birdie, three pars, two 8's, and one 9." What was your score?

P.S. Watch out, it's addictive!

Who is the Most Dominant Athlete in Any Sport in the Country?

Alan Francis, who has won 15 world titles, including the past seven. Read The New York Times, Perfection in the Horseshoe Pit.

In case you missed it on TV, he's got a YouTube video:




Looks about as interesting in world championship poker.

Power Corrupts

UPDATE: Just how 'bad' is Oprah? Just ask Vernon Winfrey, who raised the future mogul and media queen as his daughter. “She may be admired by the world, but I know the truth. “So does God and so does Oprah. Two of us remain ashamed.”

That's as bad an insult as I've heard in a while.

Even if it just celebrity power.

Read the Washington Post, Kitty Kelley's new book: Oprah has a diva snit in Washington antique store; "does not do stairs."

Just ask The Cheetah.

Bon Appétit

UPDATE III: BBQ RULES : We'll be entering the BBQ season shortly. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!


UPDATE II: Reposted for Super Bowl Sunday.

Also, think fat, salt and crunch AKA fried pigskins (actually pork fat). Read The New York Times, For the Big Game? Why, Pigskins.


UPDATE: Manly BBQ needs a Man's Grill! Now this is a BBQ guaranteed to get everyone's attention. It should be towed with the barrel facing backwards, then you wouldn't have to worry about anyone tailgating you! My guess is the owner is from Texas!!!!!!

Ok, ya don't like French, but this ain't French cooking:















Looks yummy.

Called "The Bacon Explosion," but modestly called by its inventors "the BBQ Sausage Recipe of all Recipes." It has swept the Internet blogs and I blog so I thought I'd let ya know.

Get the recipe at: The New York Times, Take Bacon. Add Sausage. Blog.
And invite me to your Superbowl party for a taste.

UPDATE: For more details, see BBQAddicts.com, Bacon Explosion: The BBQ Sausage Recipe of all Recipes.