Maxisms -- Men's Response to Maxine

From an email:

Guys, we've been waiting for this . . . it just had to happen. Well, here it is! Men's answer to Maxine: Introducing, MAXISMS !!!

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened when she brings it to you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A: You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: Why do men pass gas more than women?
A: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
A: The dog, of course! He'll shut up once you let him in.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: Why are wedding dresses white?
A: All kitchen appliances come in white.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.