How to Plug that BP Well

UPDATE III: Another from Mike, who said "[m]ost people have enough decency not to post this. Not me, though."

BP's final attempt to stop the leak....




UPDATE II: But serious, has anyone heard from Big Oil's Big Daddy, Dick 'Chickenhawk' Cheney? He must be reading the report from his secret energy task force. You know, the one that "presented a rosy picture of the offshore drilling industry."

From Mother Jones, Dick Cheney's Last Laugh:

Many of the recommendations from the task force report were adopted in the 2005 Energy Policy Act. That legislation provided $6 billion in subsidies for oil and gas development. Royalty payments for oil and gas development were waived in several regions of the US. Some companies were allowed to pay royalties with oil, rather than money—a less transparent system that was more vulnerable to abuse. The bill also provided $1.5 billion in direct payments to companies to incentivize drilling in deepwater wells, and curtailed the power of states to oversee oil and gas exploration off their coasts under the Coastal Zone Management Act.

In addition, the bill weakened environmental protections for offshore drilling, making it easier to exclude a broad range of exploration and drilling activities from analysis under the National Environmental Policy Act. This has been cited as the reason that the Deepwater Horizon site was not subjected to a thorough environmental analysis.

The task force's final report also presented a rosy picture of the offshore drilling industry. Newer oil and gas drilling methods, it said, "practically eliminate spills from offshore platforms" and "enhance worker safety, lower risk of blowouts, and provide better protection of groundwater resources." The report advocated lifting the moratorium on portions of the outer continental shelf, noting that "concerns over the potential impacts of oil spills have been a major factor behind imposition of the OCS moratoria." Bush lifted the executive moratorium in 2008, and the Democratic-controlled Congress allowed its own moratorium to expire.

UPDATE: From Mike:

BP OIL LEAKED STOPPED!

BP put a giant wedding ring over the ruptured oil pipe, and it immediately stopped putting out.

The best suggestion I've heard/seen yet:

As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap

UPDATE VIII: Spill, baby, spill!

"Right now, royalty rates for offshore leases end up promoting dangerous deep-water drilling — the deeper you drill, the less you have to pay the government in royalties. Under the Deepwater Royalty Relief Act of 1995, Congress even waived royalties on millions of barrels of oil for certain deepwater leases from 1996 to 2000. This and other royalty relief programs have deprived the Treasury of billions of dollars in revenue, while rewarding the riskiest drilling in the deepest waters. " Read The New York Times, The Good Driller Award.


UPDATE VII: Quit whining. "The Niger Delta, where the wealth underground is out of all proportion with the poverty on the surface, has endured the equivalent of the Exxon Valdez spill every year for 50 years by some estimates. The oil pours out nearly every week, and some swamps are long since lifeless. " Read The New York Times, Far From Gulf, a Spill Scourge 5 Decades Old.

The article includes pictures of the ecological damage.

SUV driving Americans never cared about oil spills before. Where did they think the gas came from?


UPDATE VI: RICO's to blame for "an ecological Armageddon that could literally destroy the marine and coastal environment and way of life for generation of Americans." Read the Pensacola News Journal, RICO suit: BP manipulated Bush team.

To read the court documents, click here.

Sounds like the complaint is largely about the political process -- the American public voted for deregulation and they got what they voted for:

The biggest oil spill ever. The biggest financial crisis since the Great Depression. The deadliest mine disaster in 25 years. One recall after another of toys from China, of vehicles from Toyota, of hamburgers from roach-infested processing plants. The whole Vioxx fiasco. And let's not forget the biggest climate threat since the Ice Age.

And with deregulation, there is no longer a need to export our industrial catastrophes, such as Union Carbide's Bhopal disaster.

Yet the faux populists of the Tea Party train their anger on the government while giving corporations a pass. And Obama, accused of being a socialist, has actually been a no-fault capitalist, cleaning up corporate messes without winning much in the way of new laws to prevent a recurrence.

Too many corporations have survived their misdeeds with no more than an angry hearing or two: GM, Chrysler, Toyota, Goldman Sachs, Citibank, Bank of America, Massey Energy. The legislative dressing-down obviously isn't sufficient deterrent. Neither is firing the CEO, because he's invariably replaced by another just like him.

Thus, the court should dismiss the complaint and remind the public, we've got the best government business interest can buy.


UPDATE V: What is the true cost of gas? Read the Washington Post, Think gas is too pricey? Think again.

Also "[a] quenchless thirst for whale oil, then petroleum, pushed man ever farther and deeper. And with great hubris, great risk." Read The New York Times, The Ahab Parallax: ‘Moby Dick’ and the Spill.


UPDATE IV: "While the gulf tragedy is the big oil story of the moment, Ecuador is still hurting from destructive drilling going back decades.” Read The New York Times, Disaster in the Amazon.

And did you know, "[t]he oil deposit now leaking slowly into the sea would have provided about five days' worth of oil to Americans." Read The New York Times, For Five Days of Oil.

Was it worth it?


UPDATE III: ""Deregulation" is wonderful until we discover what happens when regulations aren't issued or enforced. Everyone is a capitalist until a private company blunders. Then everyone starts talking like a socialist, presuming that the government can put things right because they see it as being just as big and powerful as its Tea Party critics claim it is. " Read the Washington Post, Gulf oil spill offers a lesson in capitalism vs. socialism.

Note: regulation is not socialism.

How ya likin that laissez-faire capalism now! Not everybody does. Read the Washington Post, Time for industry to end its war on regulation.


UPDATE II: "An environmental 9/11 is unfolding in the Gulf of Mexico. Will President Obama have the courage to ask the country to get behind a new strategy on energy?" Read The New York Times, Obama and the Oil Spill.

Or will we continue to reap 'the benefits' of our oil addiction, including environmental catastrophes and terrorism.


UPDATE: There is an old proverb, author unknown: "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it." Read the Washington Post, Oil well's blowout preventer had leaks, dead battery, design flaws.

Don't ya just love that Republi-con -- less government, less regulation, and more freedom -- ideology now. The banksters, mining companies, and oil companies sure do!

"[T]he Minerals Management Service became subservient to the oil industry — although what actually happened is almost too lurid to believe. According to reports by Interior’s inspector general, abuses at the agency went beyond undue influence: there was “a culture of substance abuse and promiscuity” — cocaine, sexual relationships with industry representatives, and more. Protecting the environment was presumably the last thing on these government employees’ minds." Read The New York Times, Sex & Drugs & the Spill.

After decades of antigovernment ideology, what did you expect?

Did The Spies Flunk Charm School?

UPDATE II: These two article go a long way to explaining and understanding the mindset and stupidity of nationalist in any country. Read The New York Times, ‘Illegals’ Spy Ring Famed in Lore of Russian Spying and the Washington Post, Up to their old spy tricks again.

The 'illegals' clearly enjoyed being placed in the U.S., "content to enjoy American life" and be paid to provide information readily available in the media, including the internet. If anything, they were " more like white-collar fraudsters who convinced their Russian handlers that U.S. secrets were just around the corner."


UPDATE: Here is the criminal complaint about the Russian spy ring:
Sealed Complaint: U.S. Investigates Alleged Russian Spy Ring

"On June 28, 2010, the Justice Department announced charges against 11 people accused of living for years in the United States as part of a deep-cover program by S.V.R. — the successor agency to the Soviet-era K.G.B. The criminal complaints, filed in federal court, read like a thriller."

Actually, it sounds like a sequel to Nelson DeMille's The Charm School.

China Laughs All the Way to the Bank

UPDATE II: 'While America fights China does business.' Read the Washington Post, China's quiet power grab.


UPDATE: Americans died for Chinese businesses. Read the Washington Post, Risk-tolerant China investing heavily in Iraq as U.S. companies hold back.

While most Republi-cons are obsessed by guys in caves who pose no danger to the country in the long term, China laughs as it creates a world economy that serves China's interests. Read the Washington Post, China's $2.4 trillion grip on the global economy.

Better sign your kids/grandkids up for Chinese lessons.

Who Wins a Religious War?

"Once you decide that some group is your implacable enemy, your mind gets a little warped." It's called cognitive distortion. Read The New York Times, The Myth of Modern Jihad.

BTW, only OBL and his kind win a religious war.

Class Today (Vice Thursday) at NoBullU on WEBY

UPDATE: As discussed, "[t]he oil deposit now leaking slowly into the sea would have provided about five days' worth of oil to Americans." Read The New York Times, For Five Days of Oil.

There will be another test next week.

P.S.: These links confirm the conclusion of the article: about the Macondo Prospect and oil consumption in America.

It's a host swap!

Listen to the voice of wisdom and reason in a wilderness of partisan rhetoric -- No political insanity, no conservative hypocrisy, no liberal foolishness -- Just straight talk, straight at you, and that’s no bull!!

NoBullU will broadcast today from 4:05 to 6:00 p.m. at 1330 AM WEBY and on line, courtesy of Cyber Smart Computers.

Topics:

Local and regional: VP Bite Me visits the Gulf coast; Escambia County wants BP to give them the money (around $3.1 million for May 'expenditures'); save those tar balls, close the beaches; update -- FL 2010; damned if you do, damned if you don't -- Santa Rosa School District update and


Nation and international: did the spies flunk charm school?; more Supreme Court judicial activism; not McCrystal clear; faking it!; stupid people shouldn't be president; health care lawsuit update; and oil spill fallout to date: lost compensation, should you after lying to the IRS?, that unholy ecological alliance, is it a shakedown?, Jones Act BS, understanding the true cost of gas, tell me -- the oil deposit now leaking would have provided how many days' worth of oil to Americans?, Obama's energy pipe dreams, is it time for N2N, RICO's to blame for "an ecological Armageddon that could literally destroy the marine and coastal environment and way of life for generation of Americans", show me the money, local delirious with opportunistic greed, is it fair?, and Escambia County want lunch and dinner with their tar balls, as well as $9.1 million, does the oil keep flowing cause we are just not angry enough or is it God's wrath for destroying his planet?, how to plug that oil well, shocking realization that bottom-line influences corporate policy, political grandstanding, and Republi-CON 'less government' hypocrisy.

(Any chance of a serious discussion regarding risk and "the difficulty of predicting disaster in complex technological systems" (read The York Times, Drilling for Certainty)? Tune-in and find out.)

And a cure for gonorrhea lectim

But I'll discuss anything. Disclaimer: the host reserves the right to end any discussion and hang up on you.)

So tune-in, call-in, but only if you can handle some ass kickin' discussion of politics and current events!

Hope For Daydreamers

"Researchers have been analyzing daydreaming, and they’ve found those stray thoughts to be remarkably common — and often quite useful." Read The New York Times, Discovering the Virtues of a Wandering Mind.

Daydreaming has also be a popular theme of literature.

The Third Depression?

There was the Long Depression, then the Great Depression, and the 2008 winner of the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economics argues that we are now in the early stages of a third depression because of a failure of policy. Read The New York Times, The Third Depression.

Our Afghanistan Strategy is Not McCrystal Clear

UPDATE III: "What exactly was McChrystal fired for? A closer read of Rolling Stone's article shows bad judgment. But insubordination?" Read The New York Times, Media Decoder: McChrystal’s Quality Time With Rolling Stone: Impertinent? Check. Insubordinate? Maybe Not.


UPDATE II: For an interesting take on the changing role of the media, especially as it relates to the McCrystal story in Rolling Stone, read The New York Times, The Culture of Exposure, which concludes that "the exposure ethos, with its relentless emphasis on destroying privacy and exposing impurities, has chased good people from public life, undermined public faith in institutions and elevated the trivial over the important. "

As my Mama always said, watch who you kvetch with.


UPDATE: "Although McChrystal is a fine soldier who rendered especially distinguished service in Iraq, there is no reason to ascribe to him either egomania or insubordination. He did, however, emphatically disqualify himself from further military service and particularly from service in Afghanistan. There the military's purely military tasks are secondary to the political and social tasks for which the military is ill-suited, and for which McChrystal is garishly so. " Read the Washington Post, McChrystal had to go.

Gen. McCrystal's impertinent comments renew attention on that other war. For more read:

Washington Post, A flawed strategy and a failed war in Afghanistan;

The New York Times, Karzai Is Said to Doubt West Can Defeat Taliban;

Washington Post, U.S. indirectly paying Afghan warlords as part of security contract;

Washington Post, The wound McChrystal opened;

The New York Times, General Faces Unease Among His Own Troops, Too; and

The New York Times, What’s Second Prize?.

McCrystal is the one who wanted the 'surge' in Afganistan, so Obama should have left him in charge. Now if things look as bleak next year, Republi-cons will blame failure on the change of commanders.

Stupid People Shouldn't Be President

You've got too little brains and too much money if you are famous and pay $540 for a private late might massage in your hotel room. Read the Washington Post, National Enquirer says it decided not to pay for Gore sex story interview.

Now you know why I call' em Naive-ocrats.

Jones Act BS

So many lies, so little truth. Read The Maritime Executive, The Facts about the Jones Act and the Gulf Oil Spill and Deep-Sea News, The Jones Act and the Oil Spill…Not What You Think.

A Cure for Gonorrhea Lectim

From a friend:

This is very important!! We need to stop the spread of this disease Gonorrhea Lectim. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.

Many victims contracted it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with Votemout. You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again.

Please pass this important message onto all those bright folk you really care about.

Which Political Party Favors Big Business?

UPDATE II: From the Washington Post:



"Representative Joe Barton has a crush on the oil industry of a size that’s seldom been equaled outside of 'High School Musical.'" Read The New York Times, Wishing Will Make It So.

Of course, Joe Barton wasn't the only Republi-con who came to the defense of BP. Read the Washington Post, A GOP chorus of Joe Bartons on the BP oil spill.


UPDATE: Has Obama "radicalized parts of the conservative movement, giving life to conspiracy theories long buried and strains of thinking similar to those espoused by the John Birch Society and other right-wing groups in the 1950s and '60s" in the short run? And if so, will extremism be his salvation. in the long run? Read the Washington Post, How Obama changed the right.

Ask Joe Barton, the top Republican on the House Energy and Commerce Committee. Read the Washington Post, Apparently blood isn't thicker than oil and The New York Times, Republican Backpedals From Apology to BP.

His apology to BP said it all.

Hence forth it will be know as The Apology that Saved Obama:

Class Today (Vice Thursday) at NoBullU on WEBY

It's a host swap!

Listen to the voice of wisdom and reason in a wilderness of partisan rhetoric -- No political insanity, no conservative hypocrisy, no liberal foolishness -- Just straight talk, straight at you, and that’s no bull!!

NoBullU will broadcast today from 4:05 to 6:00 p.m. at 1330 AM WEBY and on line, courtesy of Cyber Smart Computers.

Topics:

Local and regional: PHS graduation fiasco, was it God's retribution; Rick's Rants (let high school students fix the leak (he is delirious); Escambia County wants BP to give them the money (around $3.1 million for May 'expenditures'); save those tar balls, close the beaches; update -- FL 2010; update -- damned if you do, damned if you don't; and


Nation and international: faking it!; health care lawsuit update; and oil spill fallout to date: that unholy ecological alliance, is it a shakedown?, understanding the true cost of gas, tell me -- the oil deposit now leaking would have provided how many days' worth of oil to Americans?, Obama's energy pipe dreams, is it time for N2N, RICO's to blame for "an ecological Armageddon that could literally destroy the marine and coastal environment and way of life for generation of Americans", show me the money, local delirious with opportunistic greed, is it fair?, and Escambia County want lunch and dinner with their tar balls, as well as $9.1 million, does the oil keep flowing cause we are just not angry enough or is it God's wrath for destroying his planet?, how to plug that oil well, shocking realization that bottom-line influences corporate policy, political grandstanding, and Republi-CON 'less government' hypocrisy.

(Any chance of a serious discussion regarding risk and "the difficulty of predicting disaster in complex technological systems" (read The York Times, Drilling for Certainty)? Tune-in and find out.)

But I'll discuss anything. Disclaimer: the host reserves the right to end any discussion and hang up on you.)

So tune-in, call-in, but only if you can handle some ass kickin' discussion of politics and current events!

State Republi-Con Fiscal Conservative Hypocrisy

UPDATE III: For a little Florida Republi-Con fiscal conservative bankruptcy, read the Washington Post, US Senate candidate Rubio faces Fla. foreclosure.


UPDATE II: Soon it may be those wild and criminal Republi-cons. (Is criminal Republi-cons a tautology?) Read The Hill, Federal authorities launch criminal probe into Florida GOP. and the Washington Post, Feds launch probes of Florida GOP, Rubio's credit card use.

The report says:

"Rubio billed the party for more than $100,000 during the two years he served as House speaker, according to credit card statements obtained by the St. Petersburg Times and Miami Herald. The charges included repairs to the family minivan, grocery bills, plane tickets for his wife and purchases from retailers ranging from a wine store near his home to Apple's online store. Rubio also charged the party for dozens of meals during the annual lawmaking session in Tallahassee, even though he received taxpayer subsidies for his meals.

Rubio said the billings all related to party business — the minivan, for example, was damaged by a valet at a political function — and that he repaid the party for about $16,000 in personal expenses."

Crist's decision to run as an Independent might be a wise move.


UPDATE: Those wild and crazy Florida Republi-cons.

The "St. Petersburg Times and Miami Herald, offer the latest behind-the-scenes look at extravagant and freewheeling spending by the party touting fiscal restraint."

On one trip to England, the party spent $40,000 at a London hotel, and nearly $20,000 in plane tickets for indicted former House Speaker Ray Sansom and family.

Over 2½ years, a 25-year-old junior Sansom staffer, who was given a party American Express card, spent nearly $1.3 million. Thousands were spent "on jewelry, sporting goods and in one case $15,000 for what's listed as a monthlong stay at a posh Miami Beach hotel." The Florida Republi-cons spent "$650,000 in lodging, $60,000 in airfare — mostly commercial airlines — and $66,000 for charter planes."

Read the Northwest Florida Daily News, Sansom staffer rang up $1.3 million on credit card.

First Ray Sansom, a NW Florida Republi-con who was this term's Florida House Speaker until he was forced out and who finally resigned office on the eve of an ethics hearing. (He still faces criminal charges in connection with his budget dealings).

Now a "top Republican selected Tuesday as the future speaker of the Florida House can't get his own financial house in order." Read the St. Petersburg Times, His finances are a mess, but he's set to lead state House.

And most of our local elected officials oppose consolidating government, which would save money but, of course, result in fewer elected offices.

Let's not forget our very own local Republi-con fiscal conservative hypocrite.

Now you know why they are Republi-Cons!

Sub Today at NoBullU on WEBY

UPDATE: As Mike discussed, Brent Burns is mad as HELL about the Gulf Oil Disaster. Watch his song which expresses his contempt for BP and their greed.

Usually on Thursdays you can listen to me, the voice of wisdom and reason in a wilderness of partisan rhetoric -- no political insanity, no conservative hypocrisy, no liberal foolishness -- just straight talk, straight at you, and that’s no bull!!

But I can't make it today. I'll be back next week to deprogram you. Until then, have a laugh.

As Ye Sow, So Shall Ye Reap, Foreign Policy Edition

"The reasons why the United States finds itself supporting a 12-year-old gunmen in Somalia help explain recent missteps in the war on terrorism." Read The New York Times, Lessons from Somalia’s Young Soldiers, which says, among other things:

"[T]wo morals of this sad story are particularly noteworthy.

1) Military intervention can take an essentially local Islamist movement and turn it into a threat to the United States by driving it into alliance with America’s enemies. It was after the American-Ethiopian intervention that al-Shabaab crystallized and cultivated strong ties with Al Qaeda.

2) Once we’ve thus internationalized tensions that had been largely local — once we’ve strengthened bonds between locals and Al Qaeda, and strengthened the America-versus-Islam narrative deployed by jihadist recruiters — American Muslims who for whatever reason are already unstable become vulnerable to that recruiting pitch. Only this month, two Americans were arrested as they headed to Somalia to join the international war against crusaders. (The journalist Adam Serwer has been almost alone in noting the link between the cultivation of these jihadists and the 2006 Ethiopian-American intervention.)

Does any of this sound eerily familiar? It should. Here’s why:

1) In Iraq, the jihadist group that created so much carnage — “Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia” — didn’t even exist in that form until we invaded. Before the war it wasn’t affiliated with Al Qaeda (much less called Al Qaeda) and was more anti-Jordanian government than anti-American.

2) In Afghanistan, our troop presence in rural villages is driving local leaders who resist occupation into the arms of Taliban Central, based in Pakistan. Meanwhile, our intervention in both Afghanistan and (via drone strikes) Pakistan seems to be strengthening Taliban Central’s bond to Al Qaeda. (Opinions differ over how close Al Qaeda’s relationship to the Taliban was before the Afghanistan war, but in any event our becoming their common enemy has brought a convergence of their strategic goals.)

And with both Iraq and Afghanistan, as with Somalia, our involvement in conflict helps nurture terrorists here at home. The Fort Hood shooter was outraged by both the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, and the Times Square bomber was upset by the Iraq war and the Pakistani drone attacks that are spillover from the Afghanistan war.

Terrorists like these create exactly what Al Qaeda wants: American suspicion of American Muslims and even attacks on American mosques. Needless to say, this kind of domestic atmosphere can create more homegrown terrorists, which can further intensify the atmosphere, which can create more homegrown terrorists and so on. This is Osama bin Laden’s dream, and our foreign policy seems almost designed to make it a reality."

Some Thoughts Worth Pondering

More from a friend:

Even when opportunity knocks, you still have to get off your ass and open the door.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a dickhead from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

Questions that Haunt Me

From a Friend:

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway...

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE.........

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Sub Today at NoBullU on WEBY

Usually on Thursdays you can listen to me, the voice of wisdom and reason in a wilderness of partisan rhetoric -- no political insanity, no conservative hypocrisy, no liberal foolishness -- just straight talk, straight at you, and that’s no bull!!

But I can't make it today. I'll be back next week to deprogram you. Until then, have a laugh: