Heaven, Hell and the Congressman

An oldie but goodie, from a friend:

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do
is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians
who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar
and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door r eopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.. .

Today you voted."

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

UPDATE II: Another story about a local good ol' boy profiting at the expense of the taxpayers. Read First Serve Magazine, Roger Scott Tennis, A Victim of Good Ol’ Boy Politics?


UPDATE: The grand jury decided which side of that statement Valentino was on when they indicted him on a misdemeanor charge of soliciting a campaign contribution in his county office. Read the Pensacola News Journal, Grand jury indicts Gene Valentino.

Rumor is that the Governor will "suspend [Valentino] because of the indictment" and "appoint either Dave Murzin or Holly Benson" to replace him until the criminal charge is resolved.

Escambia County Commissioner Gene Valentino, who is facing a grand jury over alleged improper solicitation of contributions for his re-election campaign, had the following to say:

"On a personal note, I can see why good people don’t run for office.” - Pensacola News Journal, Gene Valentino to face grand jury over meeting

It is alleged that Valentino illegally solicited campaign funds from an Escambia County contractor just before the the Commission voted to rebid a $1.7 million drainage project the contractor lost.

I wonder which side of that statement he thinks he is on.

Cheer Up Monday

From a friend, a little pun humor:

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments
Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Happy Monday!

Class Today at NoBullU on WEBY

Listen to the voice of wisdom and reason in a wilderness of partisan rhetoric -- No political insanity, no conservative hypocrisy, no liberal foolishness -- Just straight talk, straight at you, and that’s no bull!!

NoBullU will broadcast today from 4:05 to 6:00 p.m. at 1330 AM WEBY and on line, courtesy of Cyber Smart Computers.

Topics:

Local and regional: stupid is indicted, first comes the lawsuit, now two graduations at two local high schools and

Nation and international: what should Crist do?, countdown to dismissal, are you ready to protest, and Comrade Mark's Republi-CON fairy tales.

But I'll discuss anything. (Disclaimer: the host reserves the right to end any discussion and hang up on you.)

So tune-in, call-in, but only if you can handle some ass kickin' discussion of politics and current events!

Does Money Buy Happiness?

UPDATE II: If not Veronica or Betty, then is Archie gay?. Read the Washington Post, 'BETTY or VERONICA...or KEVIN?': First gay character enrolls at Archie's Riverdale.


UPDATE: Turns out that Archie marries them both in alternate realities as part of a slick marketing scheme. Read The New York Times, Archie’s Destiny, as Shaped by Robert Frost.

Brunette or blonde? Shallow, conniving, materialistic, but rich, or wholesome, cheery and kind? Did I say rich -- as in $8.6 billion rich?

After nearly 70 years, Archie pops the question. Will it be Veronica or Betty? Who would you choose?



Read the Washington Post, After 70 Years of Courtship, Archie Chooses . . . .

Next up, Mary Ann or Ginger? Given a choice, who would you marry?



If you can't decide, read the book.

Do you care?

This Post is For All You Birthers Out There

UPDATE: Those delusional birthers are still at it -- six states have 'birther bills' moving through the legislature, include Arizona, Indiana, New Hampshire, and South Carolina. Read the Washington Post, Arizona birthers: No clue, but plenty of company.

You might remember that the Grand Poobah of Birthers, Taitz was recently and unceremoniously denied permission to intervene in the health care lawsuit.

I wonder if Pastor Poppins will now rally support for a national 'birther bill.'

Their bitterness blinds them to the truth, Obama was born in the U.S.A.

This one is from the Pensacola News Journal, by a lawyer who makes way too much money, and is worth posting in whole:

July 29, 2009
Grown-ups in GOP fail to control 'birthers"
Mike Papantonio

Several years ago, I tried a case with a Texas lawyer who used a code to track potential jurors that he wanted to eliminate from his jury during courtroom jury selection. Next to each potential juror, he put letters and numbers that described his attitude about that potential juror.

I noticed that next to some names he wrote the words "googly eyes!" Every lawyer uses their special codes in trial, but I had never run across the term "googly eyes." He explained to me that a potential juror with "googly eyes" is someone who probably believes that Elvis Presley is still alive.

They are the ones who have seen a UFO and probably know someone who has been abducted by aliens. In casual conversation, they are likely to tell you that the Apollo moon landings were staged on a Hollywood movie set. Today, it is likely that potential jurors are making it onto that lawyer's "googly eye" list if they attended more than one Sarah Palin political rally or if they dressed up like Paul Revere or Martha Washington during a tea party protest.

People probably qualify for his "googly eye" list if they spend 10 minutes a week watching the Glen Beck crazy hour. Beck, after all, is the King of Googly Eyes.

Here is a standard I'm going to use to add names to my "googly eye" list when I ask potential jurors questions these days. It is this: Are they Obama-birther conspiracy theorists? Do they believe Lou Dobbs, who tells them that Obama is a citizen of Indonesia who has lived in the United States for 48 years with a forged birth certificate?

Do they seriously accept the idea that Obama is not eligible to be president?

Fringe Democrats looked equally ridiculous when they suggested that John McCain was not eligible to be president because he was born in Panama.

Fortunately, the grown-ups in the Democratic leadership put a quick end to that self-humiliation process and the issue disappeared, along with the few wing-nuts who raised the issue.

But there are too few grown-ups left around the GOP House to gain control over the Glen Becks and the Lou Dobbses who now control dialogue for Republicans. Because of that, completely sane Republicans have repeatedly fallen victim to these "googly-eyed" messengers who surface with their political party talking points.

The Obama birth certificate issue originated with a racist anti-Semite named Andy Martin. Martin, who characterizes himself as an Internet populist, has such a creepy background that Fox News apologized for allowing him to appear in its programming.

They were as appalled as anyone would be when they read his blogs characterizing a hugely respected federal judge as a "crooked slimy Jew who has a history of lying and thieving common to members of his race." So in the end, a head case like Martin launches the "birther" message and a TV personality like Lou Dobbs gives it credibility to where it sounds like a legitimate Republican talking point.

At the same time, you can bet there is a Texas lawyer using his "googly eye" code to make certain that anyone goofy enough to believe it never gets close to a jury box.

The birthers think that Obama's failure to respond is proof that their silly claim(s) are correct. I've tried to warn them that the failure to respond is a shrewd plan on Obama's part to keep the Republi-cons occupied and allow them to discredit themselves with a majority of the public.

But they just won't listen. There is no reasoning with a Republi-con.

Class Today at NoBullU on WEBY

UPDATE: Meet Susan Frishkorn at the Santa Rosa County Democratic Party Luau, 3-7 p.m., Gulf Breeze Shoreline Park, South, (cost for the luau is $25, Susan will gab with ya about politics for free):
Flier for Santa Rosa County Democratic Party Luau

Listen to the voice of wisdom and reason in a wilderness of partisan rhetoric -- No political insanity, no conservative hypocrisy, no liberal foolishness -- Just straight talk, straight at you, and that’s no bull!!

NoBullU will broadcast today from 4:05 to 6:00 p.m. at 1330 AM WEBY and on line, courtesy of Cyber Smart Computers.

Topics:

Local and regional: teacher beware, 15-years boys will get ya 15 months, first comes the laswuit, now two graduations, is it better to be a dog than a black man in the South, who's your family?, and

Nation and international: countdown to dismissal, are you ready to protest, Cha-Ching, Baby, Cha-Ching, Justice Hillary Clinton?, Oprah unmasked, is it collateral damage, or murder?, more changey stuff, now it's Scrabble, is there no more respect for tradition anymore, I Wish I Was in Dixie (this after rise up and be counted Confederate Southern Americans (we love our country, we only wish it didn't exist and we still had slaves), does christian fundamentalism threaten world peace? , will it create a 'Communist Chocolate Hellhole', and religious evil or anti-Semitic like bigotry?

But I'll discuss anything. (Disclaimer: the host reserves the right to end any discussion and hang up on you.)

So tune-in, call-in, but only if you can handle some ass kickin' discussion of politics and current events!

Teacher Beware, 15-Years Boys Will Get Ya 15 Months

Two former Jay teachers who had sex with students each were sentenced to 15 months in state prison today. Read the Pensacola News Journal, Ex-teachers get jail

Would a male teacher get more?

The Thelma and Louise of Republi-CON Politics

UPDATE: President Palin? Not likely, she's just a "media psychodrama." Read The New York Times, Who Will Lead the Republican Party?

Read the Washington Post, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann meet Thelma and Louise.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Are Teabaggers the New Liberal Radicals?

UPDATE: Who are the Teabaggers? Angry older white Republican men, generally. Take a look at the latest New York Times/CBS News poll, Polling the Tea Party.

Does the Tea Party rage against the machine echo the 60's radicalism from the opposite end of the political spectrum? Read The New York Times, The Wal-Mart Hippies.

I'm sooooo confused?!?

Everyman For Himself Paradise

Don't like modern society and government. Want to get away from it all. Then read The New York Times, Embracing a Life of Solitude.

The article includes a list of Five Destinations for Solitude Seekers.

Have fun all you antimodernist neo-Luddites, and send me a note (by bottle or bird of course) telling me of the benefits of subsistence living!

Does Christian Fundamentalism Threaten World Peace?

Chuck Baldwin is the pastor of Crossroad Baptist Church in Pensacola, Florida, and was the presidential nominee of the Constitution Party for the 2008 U.S. Presidential election.

In his latest column, Army Report Says Christians Threaten US Foreign Policy, Baldwin discusses a paper written at the School of Advanced Military Studies, United State Army Command and Staff College, Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. An abstract of the paper, titled Strategic Implications of American Millennialism, states:

Since the beginning of the Republic, various forms of millennial religious doctrines, of which dispensational pre-millennialism is the most recent, have shaped U.S. national security strategy. As the dominant form of millennialism in the U.S. evolves, it drives changes in U.S. security policy and subsequent commitment of the instruments of national power. Millennial ideas contribute to a common American understanding of international relations that guide our thinking irrespective of individual religious or political affiliation. Millennialism has great explanatory value, significant policy implications, and creates potential vulnerabilities that adversaries may exploit.

In the simplest usage of the word, millennialism refers to any belief system, religious or secular, which anticipates a purification of society or the world through dramatic and sweeping change. In the U.S. today, the most well-known and influential form of millennialism is a religious variant known in formal, theological parlance as dispensational pre-millennialism. This contemporary form of millennialism took shape during the 1970s and has significantly shaped current U.S. security policy. Dispensational pre-millennialism is loosely based on depictions of battle between the forces of good and evil in the biblical Book of Revelation. In the U.S., dispensational pre-millennialism contends that in the very near future Jesus Christ will ‘rapture,’ or remove his church from the Earth. A period of intense tribulations and battles will follow, culminating with a cataclysmic defeat of Satan. Jesus would then establish an earthly kingdom for 1,000 years – the millennium. Today, the theological doctrines of dispensational pre-millennialism contribute significantly to American culture. This has resulted in a pervasive sense of determinism and pessimism that has significant implications for U.S. security policy around the world.

Military leaders, planners and strategists require greater understanding of American millennial thought. Millennialism shapes both American culture and U.S. government policy. While most Americans are influenced to some degree by the ideas of pre-millennialism, many are unaware of the philosophical or theological underpinnings. Military leaders charged with interpreting policy into strategy and acting on behalf of the nation on the international stage cannot afford to remain ignorant of the effects of pre-millennialism. Due to a general lack of awareness of millennialism and an uneasy reticence to discuss religious factors, understanding and analysis of our own policies and motives is often deficient. Additionally, the cultural imprint that derives from millennialism impairs our understanding of the words, actions and motives of other actors on the world stage. These factors can be problematic for any military leader or planner attempting to achieve U.S. Government policy objectives through strategy, operations and programs.

What do you think?

Foreign Policy By Assassination

"Whether or not drone missile strikes and assassination plots are legal, are they a good idea?" Read The New York Times, The Price of Assassination.

How would you respond if a foreign country was assassinating local people in your community?

I Wish I Was in Dixie

UPDATE IV: "The God of History bounds the Confederacy in its own chains." Read the declarations off secession and the words of the Vice-President of the Confederacy at The Atlantic, The Ghost of Bobby Lee.

Try as they might, Republi-con can't deny history.


UPDATE III: Confederate History Month celebrates the "fight over freedom or the Constitution or states' rights. But the "right" that was being fought over was the ability to own human beings, compel their labor, buy and sell them as if they were livestock, exploit them sexually and torture or kill them if they tried to escape." Read the Washington Post, Haley Barbour's 'diddly' sense of slavery's history.

Confederate History Month -- just more Republi-con revisionist history.


UPDATE II: Read the Chicago Tribune, It’s not hate, it’s hateful history.

I wonder if this will become an issue in the 2010 Arizona and Florida primary elections. Hey McCain and Hayward and Crist and Rubio, will you sign proclamations for Confederate History Month?


UPDATE: Open mouth, insert foot. Read the Washington Post, McDonnell's apology raises questions about what he really believes.

A celebration of heritage or pining for the good old days of segregation and white supremacy. Read the Washington Post, Confederates in the statehouse and Bob McDonnell can't change Virginia's history of slavery.

Bet those nostalgic for slavery can't wait to hear that ol' favorite, "Carry Me Back to Old Virginny," I'm sure "old darky's heart" miss "old Massa."

First, limos, private jets and night out at a lesbian bondage nightclub, now Dixie. What next, blackface minstrelsy singing at the 'cross lighting.'

No veepstakes for him.

Time to Wake Up?

UPDATE II: With major Tea party rallies planned for April 15th, a new group is preparing to disrupt the movement. "[S]ick and tired of that loose affiliation of racists, homophobes, and morons; who constitute the fake grass-roots movement which calls itself "The Tea Party,"" Crash The Tea Party intends to infiltrate Tea Party groups "in an effort to propagate their pre-existing propensity for paranoia and suspicion . . . [and] exaggerate their least appealing qualities (misspelled protest signs, wild claims in TV inter views, etc.)."


UPDATE: For more on the Coffee Party, read The New York Times, Coffee Party, With a Taste for Civic Participation, Is Added to the Political Menu.

First the Tea Party, now the Coffee Party, for those who want to give "voice to Americans who want to see cooperation in government. We recognize that the federal government is not the enemy of the people, but the expression of our collective will, and that we must participate in the democratic process in order to address the challenges that we face as Americans. As voters and grassroots volunteers, we will support leaders who work toward positive solutions, and hold accountable those who obstruct them."

Is this just more astroturfing?

And what next, the Milk Party?

How about the NoBull Party, where our motto would be NoBull.

Salty Language

"Uttering a taboo word in public is a great hierarchy-buster." Vice Presidents do it. Even Navy sailors are known to utter a profanity or three. "For those who use them, swear words are linked to emotion in a visceral way."

But have attitudes changed about insulting, rude, vulgar language? Not in California where it is Cuss Free Week. Read The New York Times, Why Do Educated People Use Bad Words?

There is even a No Cussing Club!

Congressman Tickler, The Republi-CON's New Golden Boy

UPDATE III: "[M]ale staffers complained that [he] touched them in a sexual manner, came up with reasons to have staffers travel alone with him on overnight trips, and expressed a desire to have sex with the men in the office."

Name that "The Republi-con New Golden Boy."


UPDATE II: In case you missed the story:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Sour Gropes
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Reform

UPDATE: From the Washington Post:

Gotta love those Republi-con values, defending a male Congressman who engaged in 'tickle fights' with his male staffers. Read Time, The Massa Circus Takes the Air out of Glenn Beck. and the New York Daily News, Ex-Rep. Massa confesses to 'inappropriate' text messages in bizarre Glenn Beck interview.

When it comes to vilifying the Naive-ocrats, it is hard to leave Beck-zarre speechless.

Justice Hillary Clinton?

Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring. So let the specualtion begin. Read The Atlantic, Hillary to the Supreme Court? and Vanity Fair, Supreme Court Justice Hillary Clinton?

She "has all the makings of a full-throated, strong-minded liberal stalwart on the bench.” And if the Republi-cons blocked a vote, he could threaten to nominate her husband.

But does Obama have the stomach for a confirmation fight?

Power Corrupts

UPDATE: Just how 'bad' is Oprah? Just ask Vernon Winfrey, who raised the future mogul and media queen as his daughter. “She may be admired by the world, but I know the truth. “So does God and so does Oprah. Two of us remain ashamed.”

That's as bad an insult as I've heard in a while.

Even if it just celebrity power.

Read the Washington Post, Kitty Kelley's new book: Oprah has a diva snit in Washington antique store; "does not do stairs."

Just ask The Cheetah.

Cheer Up Monday

From a friend:

The Original Computer:

Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And if you had a 3.5 inch floppy.
You just hoped nobody ever found out!?!


For the women:

With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when the re is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, Holy crap, look how smart I am!

Must be where 'Smart Ass' came from!