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Local and regional: year in review, what was the top local story?, and
Nation and international: decade in review, was it the big zero? and which Christmas Songs Have Got to Go?
UPDATE IV: A new family-less Christmas card from Tiger:
UPDATE III: And more Tiger humor:
And just in time for Christmas, the Tiger Woods Mistress Commemorative Plate Collection:
UPDATE II: Source unknown:Al Sharpton Blasts Tiger Woods for Lack of Mistress Diversity
The Rev. Al Sharpton held a press conference today to blast Tiger Woods for the lack of diversity among his mistresses. Sharpton claims that the lack of African-American women among Woods' harem will have a negative affect on the black community, specifically young black girls.
"Why is it that a man who calls himself black can't bring himself to cheat on his wife with a black woman?" said Sharpton, speaking to a group of supporters in Harlem. "What does it say to young black girls everywhere when you pass them over? Shame on you, Tiger Woods. What would your daddy say?"
Sharpton, who has long championed taking black women as mistresses, said that today's black athletes need to stop neglecting black women when it comes to extramarital affairs, and should follow the examples of positive black role models such as Jesse Jackson and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom cheated on their wives with black women. Sharpton also stressed that cheating with African-American women would help the black community financially by giving black girls the chance to sell their stories to tabloids and gossip magazines.
Added Sharpton, "I'm not asking you to not cheat on your wives, I'm just asking you to give back to your own community."
UPDATE: Some more jokes:Tiger's trouble started when he made a rookie error by playing the wrong hole. Followed that up with a bad drive and ended up in a horrible "lie."
What is the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods?
Santa Clause stops at 3 Ho's.
Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers.
They said to named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."
News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about Tiger Woods' crash. They are calling it, "Scratching Swede, Lying Tiger," or how about "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant"?
What do you buy a Tiger for Christmas?
A new windshield!
Tiger crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on to the second hole.
Just because you're the world's no. 1 golfer, it doesn't mean you can't be beaten by your wife.
Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?
They went clubbing.
What's the difference between a golf ball and an Escalade?
Tiger can drive a gold ball 400 yards.
Police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him.
She said, "I don't know, 5 or 6 . . . put me down for a 5."
Elin found out he’s not a Tiger, he’s a Cheetah.
Elin Nordegren got hired today as a consultant.
She’s teaching Phil Mickelson how to beat Tiger.
What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common?
Both were clubbed by a Scandanavian.
Tiger Woods is tree under.
Tiger Woods has been dropped by Gilette after admitting this incident was his closest shave ever.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree.
He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
Local and regional: local Republi-CON hypocrisy, and
Nation and international: The Cheetah and www.jihad.com.
WARNING: You may not want to call in if you have veritasphobia.
Local and regional: TBD, and
Nation and international: TBD.
WARNING: You may not want to call in if you have veritasphobia.
1. Fascists, both in America (see: Pat Buchanan, Robert Stacy McCain, etc.) and in Europe (see: Vlaams Belang, BNP, SIOE, Pat Buchanan, etc.)
2. Bigotry, hatred, and white supremacism (see: Pat Buchanan, Ann Coulter, Robert Stacy McCain, Lew Rockwell, etc.)
3. Throwing women back into the Dark Ages, and general religious fanaticism (see: Operation Rescue, anti-abortion groups, James Dobson, Pat Robertson, Tony Perkins, the entire religious right, etc.)
4. Anti-science bad craziness (see: creationism, climate change denialism, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, James Inhofe, etc.)
5. Homophobic bigotry (see: Sarah Palin, Dobson, the entire religious right, etc.)
6. Anti-government lunacy (see: tea parties, militias, Fox News, Glenn Beck, etc.)
7. Conspiracy theories and hate speech (see: Alex Jones, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Birthers, creationists, climate deniers, etc.)
8. Right-wing blogosphere that is almost universally dominated by raging hate speech (see: Hot Air, Free Republic, Ace of Spades, etc.)
9. Anti-Islamic bigotry that goes far beyond simply criticizing radical Islam, into support for fascism, violence, and genocide (see: Pamela Geller, Robert Spencer, etc.)
10. Hatred for President Obama that goes far beyond simply criticizing his policies, into racism, hate speech, and bizarre conspiracy theories (see: witch doctor pictures, tea parties, Birthers, Michelle Malkin, Fox News, World Net Daily, Newsmax, and every other right wing source).
11. A movement that claims to believe in limited government but backed an unlimited domestic and foreign policy presidency that assumed illegal, extra-constitutional dictatorial powers until forced by the system to return to the rule of law.
12. A movement that exploded spending and borrowing and blames its successor for the debt.
13. A movement that so abandoned government's minimal and vital role to police markets and address natural disasters that it gave us Katrina and the financial meltdown of 2008.
14, A movement that holds torture as a core value.
15. A movement that holds that purely religious doctrine should govern civil political decisions and that uses the sacredness of religious faith for the pursuit of worldly power.
16. A movement that is deeply homophobic, cynically deploys fear of homosexuals to win votes, and gives off such a racist vibe that its share of the minority vote remains pitiful.
17. A movement which has no real respect for the institutions of government and is prepared to use any tactic and any means to fight political warfare rather than conduct a political conversation.
18. A movement that sees permanent war as compatible with liberal democratic norms and limited government.
19. A movement that criminalizes private behavior in the war on drugs.
20. A movement that would back a vice-presidential candidate manifestly unqualified and duplicitous because of identity politics and electoral cynicism.
21. A movement that regards gay people as threats to their own families.
22. A movement that does not accept evolution as a fact.
23. A movement that sees climate change as a hoax and offers domestic oil exploration as the core plank of an energy policy.
24. A movement that refuses ever to raise taxes, while proposing no meaningful reductions in government spending.
25. A movement that refuses to distance itself from a demagogue like Rush Limbaugh or a nutjob like Glenn Beck.
26. A movement that believes that the United States should be the sole global power, should sustain a permanent war machine to police the entire planet, and sees violence as the core tool for international relations.
UPDATE: Sorry can't make it. Class will be a tape replay.
Local and regional: TBD, and
Nation and international: She's Back.
WARNING: You may not want to call in if you have veritasphobia.
UPDATE II: Are you a real SarAmerican", or are you one of 'them'?
Read The New York Times, Rogue American Woman.
UPDATE: For a critical review of the book, read the Los Angles TImes, 'Going Rogue: An American Life' by Sarah Palin.
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
