Funny Signs

From an email:

Sign over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a septic tank truck:
We are #1, in the #2 business.
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

At a proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in."

On a plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On a church's bill board:
"Seven days without God makes one weak."

At a tire shop:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a propane filling station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."

At a radiator shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

Sign on the back of another septic tank truck:
"Caution - this truck is full of political promises."